People Can’t Follow Rules They Don’t Know Exist
I was at the swimming pool recently and overheard two regulars getting frustrated about someone new in the gym.
Apparently the person wasn’t following the unwritten rule that ‘they’ always get on the running machine first.
The reason it caught my attention?
Neither of them had any intention of telling the person.
Instead, they were discussing how to “get in first” next time to block the machines, in the hope the person would get the message.
It made me sad because I see this in teams all the time.
People get frustrated that someone doesn’t know the unwritten rules… but never actually explain the rules.
Instead they:
critique them privately
work around them
outmanoeuvre them
or quietly hope they eventually “get the message”.
And when they don’t? Things gradually build until someone snaps.
TRY THIS.
If someone in your team is repeatedly doing something that irritates, disrupts or confuses others, ask yourself:
“Have we actually made the expectation (hopefully a reasonable one!) clear?”
Not hinted.
Not implied.
Not assumed.
But absolutely and explicitly crystal clear.
Because people can’t follow rules and meet expectations they don’t know exist.
🔴 Some people will appreciate the direct, honest feedback.
🟢 Some will be keen to know how they affect others.
🟡 Some will value the opportunity to discuss options to suit all.
🔵 Some will thank you for clarity and a logical explanation.
When feedback is withheld, people rarely fill the gaps accurately, if at all… But they may still react emotionally to what they think is going on.
If this is happening at my local gym, it’s probably happening somewhere near you too.
If someone you know is caught up in this kind of team dynamic, feel free to pass this on.
I find this particularly useful for those who:
avoid giving feedback because they want to keep the peace
give feedback indirectly and then feel frustrated when nothing changes
assume “people should just know”.
💡Bonus: One of the simplest questions I use in workshops that you can use with your team is:
“What here feels obvious to you… but might not be obvious to someone new?”
The answers will help you flush out your feedback gaps.