3 ways to be a better listener
TRY THIS...
We all want to be heard. Really heard! That is why listening is a great skill for relationship building. It helps you to get closer to the truth of what someone is really thinking and feeling, allowing you to hone your message and approach. If, like me, you want to be an excellent listener but have a ‘wondering’ and ‘wandering’ mind, then listening has to be a conscious choice and commitment.
Here are 3 things that could make all the difference
TIP 1: As they speak repeat back in your mind what they are saying... that way you hear it twice and have a better chance of remembering it, and of course, whilst your mind is busy repeating, it can't wander off.
TIP 2: Map what they are saying into another sense. If you are naturally more visual, transpose it into images. If you are fabulous with smells, then pick out the scents in the narrative to aid your memory
TIP 3: When they stop speaking, repeat back to them what you heard. (Luckily you heard it twice!) Use phases like... So what you're saying is... or What I heard was... You can also test your understanding by labelling their feelings e.g. ‘you sound really angry about that’. Repeating it back demonstrates that you are listening but it has an added bonus - it gives them the opportunity to correct you if you missed something or got the wrong end of the stick..
And just as a BONUS… you could of course always just be honest about the fact that you prefer things in writing, graph format, bullet points or just again more slowly!
Let them know your positive intention. If we all want to be heard, then asking someone to share it in a way that means you REALLY hear them is about valuing what they have to say.
SOMETHING TO PONDER...
Listening to others is a great thing to work on , but what about listening to yourself?
In chapter 2 of PEOPLE IN THEIR ELEMENT, I write about how our communication is affected by interoception, the sense of what is going on inside us. It is the sense that lets you know when you are hungry or hangry… and how you are feeling in general… physically and emotionally.
How good are you at listening to what is going on inside you?
Could you spot your heart rate going up?
Can you describe how your body responds to stressful situations?
Do you notice but pay lip service to what you hear when it comes to listening to yourself?
SOMETHING FOR LATER...
Back in December, you might remember I counted down to Christmas by giving a gift each day... and I promised you the list.
Those 24 gifts are now available on my website in one handy download to help steer your relationships in a positive direction.
To save you time… you can download it here.
… and watch this space as I’ll be adding more resources to the website in the months ahead. I’m open to suggestions!